Two years sober. The lessons and the awakening that led to the decision.

I forgot my sober anniversary again. I'm chuffed that it's become a non-issue now.

It was on the 25th of March and marked two years since I gave up alcohol.

Early in March 2023, I drove back to George after wrapping up a work trip in Cape Town.

Work wasn’t the only thing I did on the trip - I had a few kuiers too.

Nothing wild, but enough to leave me feeling shit the next day - a few times.

As I drove home, Sia’s song - Chandelier played on the radio and as I listened to the words, I cried.

I had heard the song hundreds of times before but the words and meaning behind the song had never hit me.

For some reason, it did that day.

Tears streamed down my face as I realised that for so many years, I was just holding on for dear life.

As she sang,

“Help me, I'm holdin' on for dear life

Won't look down, won't open my eyes.

Keep my glass full until mornin' light” - I wept.

Still, I wasn’t ready.

A couple of weeks later - I went out and had another piss-up.

That night, I saw my old friend Callum.

He wasn’t drinking. Callum!

Cal was like me - we knew how to throw it down, and here he was, calmly sitting at the table, socialising with the rest of us, having a good time, while sipping a non-alcoholic beer.

As I continued to have beer after beer, with tequilas in between, I thought to myself - am I still making sense?

I realised Cal was sober and even though I liked to believe I could handle my booze, I recognised that I didn’t have full control in the state I was in.

So.. I left and went to get properly drunk with fellow drunkards who wouldn’t see my weakness.

It was a fun night.

I spent the next morning throwing up and feeling awful.

I thought about the song, and I thought about Callum.

I decided I’d do a month detox. During that month, I recognised that a month wasn’t enough and committed to 3.

During those 3 months, I reflected on my life and my relationship with alcohol. In Matric, my friends jokingly called me “Simona, don’t wanna be sober”.

Nearly two decades of binge drinking. I loved it, alcohol held my hand through a lot of trauma, I believed.

Man, I loved beer - but I couldn’t deny that it was holding me back.

It was holding me back in every area of my life that I wanted to grow.

When I was hungover - I was next to useless in my work. I couldn’t train. I neglected the people I love.

I had to be honest with myself and admit that there was ZERO benefit.

Because I was in a place where I could admit that, I committed to seeing the rest of that year out without drinking.

The benefit was undeniable.

I am not naturally athletically gifted and everything I do requires a lot from me - what I have since achieved would not be possible if I was still drinking.

Mentally - I have so much more clarity. Emotionally too. The love I have since found would not have lasted had I still been drinking.

My brain worked differently, and I could not see things as they truly were and acknowledge my own faults. I had no patience for life and methods that did not match how I wanted to live.

That decision to take a break, which I so nearly did not see through because I went on a trip and considered putting it off until the following month - has changed my life in a profoundly positive way.

With love, I encourage others to consider the same.

xxx

(For international friends: kuier is Afrikaans for “visit” but it is used as slang for party/ socialise).

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Ps. I have no regrets. I am not proud of all of my past behaviour, but I am deeply proud of my life and I recognise I would not be me without my experiences. I value the lessons and I look back at Simona don't wanna be sober with a smile, proud of her too for doing the best she could at the time and grateful that I found the courage to change.

This is a picture of me at 19, a few months after going into remission for my blood disorder, Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura (diagnosed at 18, two years after beating cancer at 16).

I see the pain in my eyes and almost feel as though I am looking at someone else - someone I love and want to hold dearly.

I see this girl when I am hurting while doing my challenges now and it gives me strength.

I no longer drown thoughts of her on nights out.

I face it and there is healing in that. There is beauty in that.